You have to move with the times. When you retire you may have the luxury of doing it your way.
Snaps are like static binaries, but with some extra crud to fit them into the package system. I dont see why they should startup slowly… there must be some clunky scripts involved. A static binary is large, but not so large that it would affect load time. I have one app (keenwrite) that comes as a static binary… it loads quite fast and my machine is rather like your Dell with early corei7 and ddr3.